Nutty for Nutella: The French Breakfast

I have a sweet tooth, a fact one quickly discovers when I suggest Yogurtland or Dairy Queen as a meeting spot to study or have lunch. Like a smoker to his Marlboro, I crave the sugary rush of a hot fudge sundae or a stack of Thin Mints after every meal, my mouth watering at the very mention of the word 'Scoop.' Yet the other voices in my head, reminding me of those jeans that no longer fit, or that diabetes runs in the family, limit my dessert intake to just once (or twice) a day.

In France, however, the people understand the importance of sweets to one's self-being. They do not judge one's chocoholism or the whipped cream on their crepes. Rather, they embrace sugar, celebrating it as the main ingredient for the most important meal of the day: breakfast.

We wish you a Merry Breakfast

Oh, how I LOVE French breakfast. All that pish-posh our American cereal boxes tell us about starting the day off well-balanced, rich in whole grains and fruits and other heart-healthy things.... France wants none of that. Here in baguette land, bread reigns supreme. Crispy croissants (au chocolat or plain... as you like), crunchy toast biscuits, moist galette cookie cake thingies, and fluffy brioche. Or for the more daring, go straight for the gâteau au chocolat and vanilla cookies... no one's telling! Select from any of these delicacies for your petit dejeuner, which even the word's translation, "little lunch," will have you giggling with delight. 

I forgot to mention the best part... NUTELLA. The greatest invention on earth, this conglomerate of hazelnut, chocolate and artery-clogging palm tree oil is lathered (in large quantities I might add) atop one of the choices above to start the morning off ever so sweetly. If born with a nut-allergy or some rare impairment that makes you somehow NOT like it, there's this other dream called Speculoos, a spread literally made of crushed gingerbread cookies and butter, to prove that God really did put things on this earth worth dying for. Though typically for the morning, these heavenly spreads by no means limit themselves to a.m. appearances: try hazelnut chocolate bars for le goûter, snack time, or Speculoos cookies to accompany coffee breaks (remind me later, once I actually figure out the answer, how the French stay so darn twiggy).

Though a big fan of their breakfast choices, it does strike me as odd how the French go about serving it. In contrast to a previous post detailing the exhaustive list of silverware necessary for a proper evening meal, in the morning it seems that anything goes. By anything goes, I mean everything goes away, including the plates and mugs. I remember arriving to the kitchen of my boyfriend's grandmother one morning to find a lone cereal bowl at my seat. A loaf of brioche with jars of jam and nutella lay arranged at the table's center but no flakes or muesli in sight. Assuming the glass bowl was left there by mistake, I put it away and searched the cupboard for a plate to use instead. No sooner had I done so when his grandmother entered, quickly pulling the plate from in front of me and replacing it with the bowl I had just returned to the shelf.

"Pour cereal?" I asked, picking up the bowl and demonstrating the motion with a spoon. Instead of answering, his grandmother dropped a tea bag inside it.

"Est-ce que tu veux du thé?" she asked, and as I nodded she grabbed the kettle and began pouring steaming water inside.

She smiled and watched as I strugged to hold the brim of the burning bowl between my fingertips, spilling nearly half of it onto the table (and of course, my lap) while attempting to bring it to my lips.

"C'est pas grave!" she chirped, dabbing the spill with a wash cloth then proceeding to toss a piece of bread on the bare, now damp table.

"Ça, le confiture de figue, et l'autre..." she went about explaining the various jams as I stared in confusion at the naked slice exposed to the table without the comforting barrier of a plate, not even a napkin. Heck a paper towel would have sufficed, but directly on the table?

Beginning to think his grandmother may suffer from slight dementia, I smiled and nodded, allowing her to scoop some orangy goo onto the bread before me. My hopes that she would disappear soon so I could at least grab a mug with a handle didn't last when my boyfriend walked in with his cheerful Bonjour.

Drats, I thought, now we'll both burn our fingerprints off.  But like clockwork, he poured himself a bowl of steaming hot tea, simultaneously grabbing the brioche and slicing it directly on the table. Crumbs everywhere, he grabbed his piece and began to layer it with butter and jam, again directly on the table before him. Then dipping a corner into the bowl and taking a bite, he and his grandmother commenced a conversation about the orange tree out back. They did not acknowledge the stunned look on my face, how I intently observed his every move to figure out the whole drinking-out-of-a-boiling-glass-bowl puzzle (apparently, you just wait until the drink cools down a bit before actually drinking it. Who would have thought?).

After the meal, the bowls and knives go in the sink, the spreads and bread in the cupbroad, and an ultimate wipedown of the crumbs takes place (sometimes onto the floor if time allows for a sweeping of the kitchen floor). Volunteering to wash what little dishes the meal produced, a part of me began to appreciate this plate-less practice, especially having spent four years of college without a dishwasher. Yet to this day I still feel a bit, unsettled one could say, when reaching for my tea and finding no handle there. 

Belgium made, sold in France, though Speculoos spotings in California exist

There will always be customs in other cultures that you come to appreciate, and others you never fully understand. While I wouldn't dare attempt to eat bread off a table in my own mother's kitchen, I will certainly risk paying overweight charges for my luggage on my way home next spring by stuffing it full with jars of Nutella and Speculoos.

A Letter to L'il Wayne

Dear L'il Wayne,

I had the joyous opportunity of seeing you perform live in Toulouse, France last Saturday and I must begin by applauding you for one heck of an entertaining evening. While back home I’d likely swap tickets to your show for a pack of gum, I wouldn’t miss the chance to witness a crowd of your non-English speaking, chain-smoking fans for anything in the world.

At least with a half-full concert I got to get up close n' personal!

It was well worth the wait, after your poetic opener Mac Miller, to stand in the half-full concert hall for an hour in the toxic fumes of my fellow rap lovers for you to then come on and do a 40 minute show. Whoever said 'big things come in small packages' must certainly have seen you perform live, because the price was indeed big.

I will be honest; other than admiring your genius use of abbreviation in A Milli, or the symbolic representations in “lick me like a lollipop,” I admit that I am not very well-versed in your repertoire. Therefore, I sincerely appreciate that you simplified your lyrics to the words  'f*** y’all,' ‘b****’, 'p****' and 'n*****,' chanting them repeatedly so that new fans like me can easily follow along. A brilliant strategy I must say, for the foreign crowds especially, teaching them English through song in a fast-paced yet manageable way.

About that last word I mentioned. You know the one I'm talking about. At least the Frenchies certainly know it because they showed no shame in exclaiming it, like a children's sing-along, in the same repetitive, audacious manner as you did. I am curious to know how you feel about their open expression of this taboo word. Perhaps they are not quite as globally aware, their brains so full with pastries and cheese. Do not hold it against them.... their accents are quite adorable. I, on the other hand, a fellow American born in a nation or no prejudice or racial divide, could not bring myself to echo such words that could potentially connote racial slurs. Therefore please understand, Mr. Carter, that my choosing not to sing this word found in nearly every line in every song, was a sign of respect rather than complete bewilderment that I actually live in a world where such songs could possibly top the charts.

Dear petit Weezy, you may have noticed a lack of energy in the crowd. This, I can assure you, has nothing to do with your skills as an artist, but rather serves as a demonstration of 'The French Way.' When you said 'Jump!' and nobody jumped, it was not that they didn't want to but rather it is not customary for them to do so. When you shouted 'put yo hands in the air' and everyone simply took photos on their phones, they merely intended to express their approval of your words and actions. And when you asked "if anyone who's out there came here tonight with their homeboys say yyyeeeaaahhhh" and no one responded 'yeah'... well perhaps just try slowing down and enunciating.

Although the entirety of the show proved overwhelmingly loud, I can recall two favorite moments. First, during the ten minute intermission while you changed aka just took off your shirt, the DJ played snipets of all your legit features in tunes ("Swagga Like Us," "Mrs. Officer," "Soldier") which brought me back to my youthful teen years blasting them in my minivan on the way to school.  The other greatest moment, I remember very clearly, occured when you finished your last song. You ran off stage, the lights blared on, and the cleanup crew went right to work, saving the audience from the anticipation of an encore. And what better way to end than a cigarette burn from the guy to my right who, kudos to him, managed to finished 6 drags throughout the smoke-free concert. Rather than yell with rage, however, I smile, thanking him for the scathed mark on my forearm that will serve as a permanent souvenir of the night and a reminder as to why I tend to skip concerts with artists who sing "Ask dem hoes about me" and "I feel like f****** sumthin."

XOXO,

Ashley



P.S. Props to the lighting and design crew... the display actually looked really legit!

P.P.S. Forty minutes.... seriously man?

Romania Part Two: Twilight Ain't got Nothin on this Bad Boy

The thing taking the longest to adjust to since my European installment is trying to decipher this whole 'celcius' thing. I've gotten a pretty good grasp on meters from running track, and I learned kilograms pretty quick as a kid when my Japanese aunt would have me weigh myself to report how many more I should lose. But something about attempting to figure out the weather in celcius just makes me want to vomit. I admit, the fabulous Fahrenheit isn't very useful outside the home of the brave, but still, Ray Bradbury said it right when he wrote, “If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn.” But I digress.

Celcius or not, getting off the 90 minute train from Bucharest to Sinaia, Romania, the degrees dropped like it's NOT hawt. At all. In fact, freezin' ma buns off cold. Apparently this whole temperature dropping thing happens in every mountain range, but I'm from Chicago, so it blew my mind to need to change from tank to fleece when traveling for less than the time of a full-length movie.

Sinaia Castle

Luckily, a pretty, pretty castle awaited at the top to make me feel like a princess again under my three layers of cardigans and the other ill-suited articles of clothing I packed. I've seen many a castle and church and temple and monument and cheeses that would knock your socks off by the smell, but this hunk of glory was the most beautiful thing I've seen, the prettiest girl at the ball. With mountains and streams in the backdrop, the sounds of chirping birds and French tourists complaining about the weather, it was literally like falling into the storybook of Beauty and the Beast (Gaston oh he's so cute!) Apparently this shining property was just one of dozens owned by Charles I, the first king of Romania, but clearly he would have passed around invites to this crib for show and tell.

Hot tea in our hands, Georgia on our minds, Alla and I get back on the train up to Brasov, a cutsy little town in the region of Transylvania. Contrary to its ridiculous sounding name, Transylvania is an actual place, a region with a rich history involving Hungarian war lords and the Ottoman Empire. But the only reason we've actually heard of the darn place is not because of our European History professors (though you did a fine job, Mr. Phillips!) but rather some Irish bloke by the name of Bram Stoker.

Bran Castle

With no particular roots in Romania himself, the writer of Dracula still managed to turn some random structure in the woods into the country's most visited tourist attraction (actually we can thank the film directors for that).  Like the nerdy older sister who never got asked to prom, Bran Castle (about 30 minutes from Brasov) cannot compare in looks to her charming sibling we visited back in Sinaia. Yet perhaps it's the mystery behind this dark enchantress that gives it so much appeal. The stone structure with rustic circular roofs concealed by shady trees, cold pale walls marked by wont and decay, and stairwells leading every which way into hidden chambers, leading further to your slow and painful DEATH.  

Bahaha okay that's enough. But whether you're Team Edward or Team Jacob, you'll still get a kick out of these fun facts learned from the tall, dark and handsome tour guide for the group of British senior citizens I tagged along:

• The name Dracula derives from Dracul, which means the Devil. Dracula therefore connotes the Devil's Son.
• Stoker likely drew inspiration for Count Dracula from a man named Vlad the Impaler, a duke back in the day who, as one can gather from his name, prefered torture and excruciating deaths over blueberry scones.
• This Vlad dude also happened to be a member of the Order of the Dragon (take that, Phoenix!), its symbol a dragon practically choking itself with its own tail. Dragon. Dracul. Things are beginning to click.



Brasov, Romania

• Hey fellow feminist! Turns out a woman actually spured some creative energy for our blood thirsty vampire: 16th century countess Elizabeth Bathorym, best known for murdering dozens if not hundreds of young women and girls, would bathe in her victims' blood to soak in that rejuvenating virgin blood. Hmmmm.
• The tour guide was not happy to see me sneaking into his group.

Though one can never feel Vampired-Out, it did feel nice after the excellent tour to descend the castle's hill for a Kürtös Kalács, basically a tube of hot stove-cooked dough sprinkled in sugar and nuts. Off the chain amazing by itself, though imagine stuffing scoops of Ben & Jerry's into that little sucker. Oh boy.

The rest of Brasov presented to us a gorgeous church (blackened from a fire centuries ago) a history of political divide (mainly between the Ottomans, Saxons and later the Communists), and a cute little market where I found this gem:

 

If you've never seen Up, don't read my blog. Just Kidding! But go watch it NOW!

Handmade, Leather-bound, and likely exceeding the Ryan Air baggabe weight restrictions, I cannot wait to fill it with all the photos and stories I've gathered thus far!